Mr Raymond Herbert

Back in 2021 whilst we were still in Lockdown, Ray waved at me from his bench outside his bungalow in Ferring, and to start with, like most people I just used to wave back.

One day I stopped and chatted to him, which soon became our regular custom most mornings before I went to work.

He really would sit out there in all weathers, waving at people. I started to leave a little earlier to spend the time with him to make sure he was ok, if he wasn’t already engaged in speaking to someone else at “his office” I mean bench.

I was intrigued to find out the story of “the guy on the bench” as he seemed to be very lonely. I was told by my girlfriend Lyn that the previous year on his birthday in invited everyone in the community to his BBQ but nobody came. I did not think that was right, so I made sure Lyn & I took him out on that Birthday and every Birthday thereafter.

One year Lyn and I put on a Birthday BBQ for him at his house and Lyn hand wrote out all personal invites to all his neighbours, and hand delivered them, which made it so successful, with over 50 people attending, enjoying his Burgers and Sausages. I remember him telling me how surprised he was, as he had not realised how popular he had become. It was a real community highlight for me, and a great challenge of my BBQ cheffing as the food was cooked and supplied on demand from Rays Old BBQ.

I have no real knowledge of Ray or his life pria to 2021, I know that Lyn had known him since he moved into the Village some 16 years ago after his Car Accident in France, as they both shared Serious Spinal Injuries. So, I am grateful for his old friend Barry and someone who was a long-time carer and cleaner for Ray, Roma, who have travelled great distances to be with us today, you are both very welcome and we look forward to being enlightened by your memories of Rays Life. I used to listen to his stories and try and help him where I could. Like many people of his age, he struggled with new technology, especially the Internet and Mobile Phones.

One day he was telling me about his place in France, and I asked him if he would like to return there? Thinking back, I do not think I was prepared for his enthusiasm for the idea at the time.  He came into my offices the following day and I then agreed to fly him over to Montpellier, hire a car and drive him to his old place in Pepiux. I was a little bit daunted by this prospect, as he did not have all the right keys, and he told me that “I would need to break in a little bit”.

So, Lyn and I hired an Air B&B in Pepiux village that could accommodate all three of us, which is in the south of France near Andora. At that time, he was struggling to walk but refused a wheelchair, so the walk to the aeroplane in Gatwick was a struggle for him. Eventually we arrived in France and hired the car which had a state-of-the-art Sat Nav system, which Ray challenged the entire journey from the back seat, even when the one-way signposts overruled him.

When I got him into his place with some of the keys that worked, I could see the very real change in him immediately, like a kid in a sweet shop, you could just tell he loved being there. He really did not stop smiling the whole time. However, without running water of electricity both Lyn and I were pleased we rented a nice warm apartment instead of taking Rays advice and staying at his place.

The holiday highlight for me though was seeing another change in Ray,  as I remember Ray telling me how grateful he was with our friendship, he would say “before you and Lyn came along, I couldn’t really talk, or engage in meaningful conversation, he felt he had lost the ability to communicate” which he was starting to get back. I took him to see a man called Regis, the family who he bought the French property from. Well, Regius opened the door and Ray was instantly recognised, and we were welcomed in, I was struggling with my GCSE level French & Google translate and suddenly Ray started talking French to them, it was like seeing new neural pathways in his Brain open and start working again.

I helped Ray return to Pepiux on 3 further occasions, all of which I know he thoroughly enjoyed. I am so pleased to meet Rays Son James Herbert, who physical features are unmistakable as a younger version of Ray in the flesh, and he has been able to confirm some, but not all of Rays stories. Such as the Bike shop in Southampton, and the telegraph poles from Germany to support the roof in Pepiux.  He also remembers spending time with his dad on the initial build project putting in the floor in and I have been very pleased to meet him and encourage him to administer his father’s estate, which I understand he will take over from me today.

Ray and I used to meet several times a week for breakfast, and we would invariably go to Scrumptious Café, which is the best Café in Worthing on part of West Worthing Train Station, Unfortunately the owner Elaine has contacted me with her apologies this morning as she is not feeling well today. However, I am grateful to see Jack her friend and business confidant here as he also knew Ray. There is a real sense of community in this café. One which, after I took Ray there a few times, he felt at home in. As he would pop in there whenever he felt like he needed the company. In the café there were other people who would hear his stories, and he could share his wit with, as he was always ready to have a laugh. He meant well but not all his comments were always appreciated.

Lovely to see his Neighbour Sarah here with Jason Trott and his wife Lyn and some of the locals Ray knew from the area, some of which who have not only decorated his bench with messages and flowers, but I have noticed there is already a Brass Plaque with Rays details on, which is Lovely, “Thank you!”  In Ferring, some would say he would have made it into the “Parking Gestapo”, as he often warned people of parking facing the wrong way near his bungalow. Like everyone he was not all bad. He was not a big religious man, but he did like a deal, so he would have been especially pleased with the Rev Stephen Terry, who has waved his fees for this service today, for which I am most grateful for. “Thank you, Stephen,”

Ray was a generous man and would often drop in to my offices with Ice Creams for my staff and buy gifts for people. Every Thursday he would go up to Asda and collect 50 Argus Newspapers and deliver them around the village. He was the oldest paperboy I knew, and he was happy to do it.

We would spend time talking about the many business issues I was trying to overcome, with his own multiple business experiences and this is the friend that I have lost. As sadly, before Christmas last year Ray suffered a Vascular Dementia episode and was admitted to Worthing hospital, and these last 7 months have been tough without him.

I spent time visiting him in Worthing hospital with Costa Flat White Coffee’s and cakes on every visit and in Normanton nursing home in Bognor Regis when the local authority agreed to move him in there, and finally on the Ford Ward of St Richards Hospital, in Chichester where he passed away in the early hours on the 2^{nd of} April.

Since then, the hospital has reached out with an agency to locate his true Next of Kin and found James and his sister Gerie, and after several months the system allowed me to continue and finally arrange this service to celebrate the life of my friend Raymond Herbert.

I have tried to be a good friend to Ray and I will be continuing this work with his memories in a “not for profit” organisation called Your Friend CIC.  For all those who perhaps do not have family and friends close by and just need a friend. For them as well my service will remain free of any charge.

“Rest In Peace Ray”